To Our Dear Sangha

This is issue #12, which means we have complete the first year of our newsletter! Woohoo! Thank you for reading and/or coming to zazenkai. It is wonderful to feel the sangha growing!

We hope this newsletter has been helpful to you and your practice. We have received feedback that the content is encouraging and that it helps to feel connected when zazenkai are only once a month. Please do feel free to contact us with any suggestions or requests for content.

Announcements

Upcoming Online Zazenkai Schedule (Japan time):

Zazenkai with Matsumoto-san:
October 6 (Mon) 8:00-noon
October 19 (Sun) 18:00-22:00
**Sunday times are generally more convenient for Europe, Africa, and Asia.
Monday times are generally more convenient for N/S America and Oceania.

Thursday Zazenkai with Madoka:
Every Thursday at 21:00-22:00 Japan time.  Anyone is welcome! No instructions (unless needed). Just an hour of sitting.

Zazenkai reservations can be made here:  
https://www.zen-online.info/reservations

Very Useful Time Converter to calculate zazenkai in your local time
https://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/converter.html

(Translated by Madoka)

Zazen = sitting the way it is now

There is the way it is now. What is the way it is now? For example, try bringing your attention to a noise, and there will be the actual sound itself. As I write this, there is whirrr (sound the air conditioner is making). Whirrrr is the way it is now.

 When seeing ●, the way it is, is ●. When thinking “I’m hungry,” “I’m hungry” is the way it is.

 Zazen is sitting just the way it is, so it could go something like this (thoughts are enclosed in “quotes”; content of the 5 senses is enclosed in【brackets】; and … indicates when there is no particular awareness of anything):

【view of floor】…【meow】…【leg pain】…【view of cat walking by】 “come here kitty” “no, that’s distracting” …【grrr】“tummy growled” … 【ding-dong】 “who’s at the door?” … “am I sitting right?” … 【view of cat】… “I’m getting tired of this” … “I’m not ready for my meeting tomorrow” … “Am I thinking too much?” …【sense of sleepiness】 “I’m getting sleepy” …【legs numb】 … “Is sitting like this really okay?” …

Of course the content of thought, hearing, sight, et cetera is different for each person. But as illustrated above, zazen is the way that which is actually real is, i.e. the content of senses like seeing, hearing, feeling, and thinking. There are also blanks where there is no awareness of thoughts or anything else. It is the way it is before you even know it, and by the time you know it, it’s gone. So just sit the way it is.

There are reasons people worry whether they are doing zazen correctly or not (and it’s ok to just sit feeling worried too). The reasons are:

1) Not knowing what is actually real. This leads to mistaking zazen for a technique to create a certain state. 

2) Holding criteria to judge whether zazen is “going well” or not. For example, one criterion might be “it is better not to have thoughts.” With such criteria, people think they are doing zazen well when there are fewer thoughts, and doing poorly when there are more thoughts. Even though thoughts arise without the intention to think, and even though thoughts are gone by the time you know you’ve had the thought, having the criterion of “fewer thoughts are better” can make you believe that you’re not sitting well, even if you are sitting just fine. Believing such criteria is also due to the reason above of not knowing what is actually real.

There is no need to create a state for ◆ to be ◆. It doesn’t require any method or technique either. If you think, “what shall I eat?” the thought is gone as soon as it is thought. By the time you notice that there had been a thought, the thought has already finished. The content of zazen is the content of the way it is while sitting. There is nothing other than the content of what is now. It is impossible for there to be something else because this is the way we are as humans. Things like nationality, gender, and age have nothing to do with it.  ● is ●

Note: To Sit Safely (Important)

When facing mental health challenges, there are cases where zazen can make you feel worse. If you find this to be the case, please stop zazen. Or, if you start zazen and you find that emotional pain is so strong that sitting is difficult, please stop. When your condition allows you to sit and let feelings or thoughts be, then you can resume zazen.

One dokusan that helped me quit monitoring my thoughts

When I first started zazen with Matsumoto-san, I went to dokusan (one-on-one Q&A) every time I attended zazenkai and asked questions to make sure I was sitting correctly. My descriptions of my sitting, or the points that I asked for confirmation, were never like the description Matsumoto-san wrote in his teisho above.

I sometimes asked what I should do if I got lost in thought. Or sometimes I would get caught up in something and it was like watching a movie in my head. I had a tendency to monitor my mental states so I could report on them later and check if they were ok for zazen or not. I’d also explain to Matsumoto-san what I did once I realized that I’d been lost in thought or daydreaming.

One day, after hearing many questions like this from me, Matsumoto-san surprised me with a question. 

Matsumoto-san: Why do you tell me about past sitting?

Me: What? What do you mean why? …I want to make sure I’m sitting correctly.

Matsumoto-san: Are you lost in thought now?

Me: No

Matsumoto-san: Is there a movie in your head now?

Me: …no…

Matsumoto-san: So why are you asking about that? Those aren’t here now.

Me: But when I go sit again, chances are high that something like that will happen again. I want to know how I should handle it.

Matsumoto-san: What is Zen?

Me (I hated being asked that question): I don’t know! You say Zen equals satori…I want to know what satori is, but I don’t know yet.

Matsumoto-san (waving):  This is now. (waving) This is Zen. It’s what is real now. Your past thoughts and movies in your head don’t exist now. Why worry about them when what you want to know is this (waving)?

Me (missing the point): But what do I do if I get lost in thought the next time I do zazen?

Matsumoto-san: Okay, so what thought might you have?

Me: Well…sometimes I wonder how long this is going to take (to awaken to Truth).

Matsumoto-san: Right now, think: “how long is this going to take?”

Me: (thinking “how long is this going to take.”) Okay. I thought it.

Matsumoto-san: When you were thinking that, did you have any other thought at the same time?

Me: No.

Matsumoto-san: So when thinking that, what was there? Just “how long is this going to take,” right? That was what was actually real.

Me: Yes.

Matsumoto-san: And is that thought here now?

Me: No

Matsumoto-san: Right. It is gone. And after you thought it, you told me, “I thought it.” When you were saying, “I thought it,” was “how long is this going to take” there?

Me: No.

Matsumoto-san: When you said, “I thought it,” what was real was, “I thought it.” By that time, “how long is it going to take” was already gone. By the time you notice it, it is already gone, so there is not actually anything you can do about it.
When there’s “how long is this going to take?” that’s the way it is. When there’s caw caw, that’s the way it is. Just sit like that.
People often talk about what is gone and “nothingness” in Zen. But what’s gone is gone. What is important is what is actually real, here, now. 

This dokusan really impressed upon me how irrelevant things past and gone are when it comes to satori and realizing what is actually real. In future dokusan, I still asked questions about what I worried might be mistakes while sitting, but the question “why are you asking about the past?” helped me be less concerned about creating the right state of mind and start sitting without trying to monitor my sitting.

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Love and Gassho _/\_