To Our Dear Sangha

It may be a little late to say, but happy new year!

With this month’s newsletter, we hope you will gain more clarity about what is real, in actual fact, and feel less concerned about the number or frequency of thoughts in your practice. Such concerns are largely due to believing in the existence of things that do not exist in reality—like a stream of thoughts, or monkey mind. If you have such concerns, please read Matsumoto-san and my articles below!  

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(Translated by Madoka)

Happy New Year—New and Old

Happy New Year. May you be healthy, and may what you wish for come true.

We have the word “new,” as in “New Year,” and its antonym, “old.”  What do you think about new and old?

When encountering something for the first time, we think it’s new to us. In other words, when we encounter something not stored in our memory, we think of it as new. We say the New Year is “new” because we think the Gregorian calendar is starting a new cycle. As for “old,” we think of something as old when encountering something we already have a memory of. From this, we can see that “new” and “old” arise with thoughts resulting from judgements based on memory.  

In life, there is something that is not a judgement  based on memory. And what is that? It’s what exists in actual fact right now—the real thing itself.

What is this “real thing itself”? To know it, please touch something with your hand—your cheek, for example. When the hand touches the cheek, there is a sensation. The actual sensation itself exists only when touching the cheek. As soon as the hand leaves the cheek, the sensation is gone, but there is the sensation of touching air. Touch the cheek again, and there is the actual sensation of touching itself.

No matter how many times the hand touches and leaves the cheek, the existing sensation is always happening now. And in the sensation itself, there is no thought of new or old. There is only the sensation itself—the real thing itself. The actual fact of what is real. Please try touching your cheek and confirm it for yourself.

In regard to thoughts, there is only the content of the thought happening now. For example, when thinking, “I’m hungry,” there’s “I’m hungry.”  “I’m hungry” is the real thing itself. When there is, “Maybe I’ll eat something,” there is only “Maybe I’ll eat something.”

When thinking, “Maybe I’ll eat something,” the previous thought of “I’m hungry” is nowhere to be found. There is only, “Maybe I’ll eat something,” (the real thing itself).

I hear people call their thoughts “monkey mind,” and they seem to think it gets in the way of something. But when there is the current thought, the previous thought has already disappeared on its own, and there is only the current thought. That’s how it is. So there is no way for a thought to be an obstacle or get in the way.

The thought, “it’s new,” can only be thought when it is thought. The thought, “it’s old” can also only be thought when it is thought. “It’s new” cannot exist when “It’s old” is being thought. Nothing, including thoughts, are of fixed substance, so they cannot persist. There is only the current thought.

If you do zazen, you come to realize this for yourself.

The beauty of zazen lies in being just as things truly are, i.e. the way what is real is. In daily life, it is easy to feel like what you think actually continues to exist over time. But is it actually so? Please sit in zazen and verify it for yourself.

No such thing as a shower of thoughts

It seems so easy to understand that once a thought has been thought, it’s gone. I have never heard anyone question that. So what does it mean to act as if thoughts persist over time. Do we really do that? Well, I have.

When I first started going to Matsumoto-san’s zazenkai, I was very concerned about how much I was thinking during zazenkai. I thought I was supposed to enlighten to some profound silence that was the backdrop to all my thoughts. So when I felt like I was getting lost in a flood of thoughts after each round of sitting, I was concerned I was doing something wrong.

At zazenkai, we sat for 40 minutes, then did a few minutes of kinhin (walking Zen), and then sat again.  As soon as we would stand up for kinhin, it was as if a dam broke and I was flooded with thoughts. Sometimes it was to the extent that I wasn’t even aware I was thinking until the chime signaled the end of kinhin.  I would be amazed at how I could have been lost in thought for almost the entire time…even while walking!

So I went to Matsumoto-san for dokusan (one-on-one Q&A). It went something like this:

Me: During kinhin, I have so many thoughts! When I stand up from sitting, it’s like a flood of thoughts! I even get completely lost in thought sometimes.

Matsumoto-san:  There is no flood.

Me: I mean… as soon as I start walking in kinhin, there are so many thoughts…like a shower!

Matsumoto-san:  How many thoughts can you think at once? Can you think “yes” and “no” at the same time?

Me:  No. I can only think one thought at a time.

Matsumoto-san:  So, there is no shower.

Me: (somewhat exasperated…and missing the point). It’s a metaphor! There are so many thoughts!

Matsumoto-san:  There are never many thoughts.

Me: 😲 ???!

Matsumoto-san:  You can think only one thought at a time, right?

Me: Yes

Matsumoto-san: So how can there be many thoughts when there can be only one at a time? When there is “yes,” there is only “yes.” There’s no “no.” Two can’t be at once. Some people use the expression “monkey mind.” There is no monkey mind.

Me: 🤯 

I finally understood why Matsumoto-san was so insistent that there was no flood and no shower. Using metaphors wasn’t the problem. The metaphors simply illustrated my delusion—assuming the existence of things that did not exist. I had never even thought to question the existence of “many thoughts” until Matsumoto-san pointed it out to me.

A so-called flood or shower of thoughts can only exist if thoughts persist over time. And they don’t. A description of something that assumes time (like a shower, or the idea that “I keep thinking”) is an explanation for something that cannot exist—so it is a concept, not reality. It only felt like a shower existed because of memory.

It also hit me that “now” really means NOW, and that the past is irrelevant, at least to satori. Concern with the number or quality of thoughts conceptually lumps thoughts together, all of which are gone by the time we even think of them as a problem.

For satori, what we want to know is what is real now—the actual fact of reality. The real thing itself. Worrying about what no longer exists, or what never existed to begin with, is fruitless.

May your sitting be fruitful 🙂 

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Love and Gassho _/\_